Breaking the Cycle of Blame


adolescence attractive beautiful blur

Have you ever heard yourself saying these words? “If only he would change” or “if she would stop pushing my buttons I could do better.” I sometimes have this overwhelming feeling that it’s everyone else that’s THE PROBLEM.

It can seem like everyone else is holding us back or causing us to even stumble.

Our focus is on others, on survival, on anything but ourSELF.

Whether you are struggling with addiction or you know someone who is this is extremely important because we are all in this life journey together. Learning together. We are mirrors to each other and are expanding because of our challenges with one another.

I got so tired at one point in my life of the PAIN and suffering I was going through whether real or imagined. It hurt.

It’s the same old thing that kept coming up for me that I believed was “BETRAYAL.” This painful recurrence had been around in my life, and I was really ready to slay the beast. In my spiritual walk, I had come across a book that changed my life called “A Course in Miracles.” I won’t get too far into explaining this book but is a great companion tool for self-help and spiritual growth or even 12 step programs.

Here was the ‘aha’ paragraph:

“When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. Whenever two Sons of God meet, they are given another chance at salvation. Do not leave anyone without giving salvation to him and receiving it yourself. For I am always there with you, in remembrance of you.”― A Course in Miracles

This journey is about one thing and one thing only-YOU.

When you can realize the gift each person is in your life and the gift that you are for them, transformation can begin.

When you can shift your perspective ever so slightly. Look at the situation from their eyes for a moment, even if you don’t agree. They are you, and you are them. Be brave and look straight in the mirror (you and your brother or sister) and have compassion and love for YOU. They are just reflecting a lesson to be learned, and it’s usually a call to LOVE.

It takes time to change old ways of being and doing. Put simply it’s awareness, acceptance, and allowing true healing in your life, shifting your situation just by changing your perspective. Be gentle on yourself. We need each other to give and receive ALL the blessing of “salvation.”

Step One: You are Power-Full!


Step one, “We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.”

In the United States, recovery from chronic addictions such as alcoholism or substance abuse disorder has utilized a limited wellness model and approach. The most popular of these for recovery is Alcoholics Anonymous and similar twelve step models. Limited recovery means that my dear brother or sister in recovery may successfully focus on abstinence from alcohol or drugs, but may not address underlying issues that perpetuate addictions. We are not addressing issues such as chronic dependence on others, fear of pain, helplessness, hopelessness, self-abandonment, and mindlessness.

Newsflash: You are not powerless!

The first step in the 12 step model is, “We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Newsflash: You are not powerless! You had an experience of feeling disempowered to understand what it feels like to be powerful (Power-Full). This myth of being power-less is extremely disempowering and limiting. You heard that correctly because I am speaking universal TRUTH. Now let it sink into your being, allow the truth of this permeate into your authentic self: your soul, biology, your very essence that is LOVE-and even LIGHT.

Words have incredible creative POWER! Your brain and even the universe are conspiring to work together on your behalf. What are you telling them? Everything in the world is energy. Our thoughts and feelings send out vibration, and universal energy matches our vibration by giving us more of the same, resonant energy; this is the universal law of attraction. We all know this, so say it with me, “I call all my power back to me, I am whole and complete.”

I understand the feeling of powerlessness because I too have felt it while I was in the thralls of my past addictions. When you are on the path of using a chosen substance, and the focus is on the substance or thing or addictive behaviors or bad attitudes or whatever it is and not our SELF- we feel power-less. It was only in my self-realization, recognizing who I was on a soul level, that my essence is pure love and light. Who I AM always has and always will be..LOVE—So let’s get busy with radical self-love! Celebrate you no matter where you are right now, the same self who may screw up tomorrow, the same self that is and always will be LOVE and LIGHT. THAT self. LOVE.

What I am talking to you about is healing pain, honoring intuition, finding the inner god (authentic self), trust, acceptance, becoming the power center of your own life, and creating meaningful experiences and passion. I am calling for a unique phase of recovery beyond the usual abstinence preoccupation and suggesting a shift from just survival to growth and expansion. Becoming the observer of our SELF, without self-judgment, seeing our trauma, triggers, cravings and transmuting the FEAR of our powerlessness into embracing the authentic SELF. Beyond expansion is integration.

Integration realizes that the world is not happening TO you it’s coming FROM you.

Whether full recovery stays within the vision of the 12 step model or moves beyond it, or both, it is evident that a particular population of recovering people is looking for recovery that goes beyond a limited health conception and embraces wholeness.

Affirmation: I call all of my power back to me, I am whole and complete!

Create your website at
Get started